Lawn

"I'm Jim Lubesch. Ever thought of borrowing your neighbor's lawn mower? Well, it could lead to unrealistic expectations that you'll regularly keep your lawn trimmed. Hear both sides of the story next, on Yard Shtick."

Kidneys

"Kidneys: are two really enough?"

Letter Openers

"Ever wonder how letter openers work? Of course, we all do. Next up, a man who's spent the last 50 years investigating their inner workings. Wake up to a smarter day!"

Lost

"Now here's something that none of us want to think about. Imagine you're lost in the wilderness. You must choose to either wear HALF of your jacket, eat ONE rice cake soaked in bourbon or file ALL your finger nails down to the quick using a rock. Find out how to survive, next."

Facial Tissue

"Ever wonder why the perforations on facial tissue are always spaced at exactly the same intervals, no matter the brand? Well today we talk to a woman who claims to know, on Product Watch."

BLOGs

"I'm Caryl Fonescu, and probably like a lot of you I've been curious about this new media revolution sweeping the United States. The term BLOG stands for 'Progressive Limited Observasions Gradually," in short, concise thoughts presented as they come to mind. But sometimes they are more. Tegan Dart has been scouring the web, trying to find these elusive 'postings', and she's going to present us with several examples of these 'insights from the heartland.' Next on Tech Connection."

Aluminum Cans

"Alumninum cans. They used to be made of steel, and we used to just call them 'cans.' I'm Tegan Dart. Why the change in name? We're going to find out together on Beverage Point, next."

Shoelaces

"I'm Jim Lubesch, and this morning we have something a little different in store for you, right Caryl?"

"That's right Jim. Shoelaces, that's right, shoelaces, we use them everyday. But are we really AWARE of them? Do we fear them, respect them or praise them?. Well to find out we've send our Man in the Field, Marcos Gutierrez, to a local park to uncover the ethics behind these special strings."

"I always feel I learn something on this show Caryl."

"That's why we're number one in the greater Midlands area Jim."

Cholesterol

"Coming up: how to lower your cholesterol by increasing your tire pressure. Next on Bright Day Ahead!"

Lids

"Ever wonder how those larva keep getting in your bed, well the answer may start with the lids on your storage jars. Tegan Dart interviews an expert in vacuum sealing, next."

Ripping CDs

"Ripping CDs. We've all heard about it. Well, today we'll learn the workout secrets of a man whose hands are actually strong enough to do it."

Tune Town

"Your top 5 favorite songs of all time. Are you ashamed enough. An undercover investigation by Marcos Gutierrez discovers what you may not be ready to hear."

Navels

"What could be stranger than eyelids that glow? Try navels that ooze a nourishing gel. Next on Modtime, with Carol Fonescu."

Blue

"Blue. A color. A wavelength. A mood. But also a flavor. It's a Slurpee sunrise, next with Caryl Fonescu!"

The Alphabet

"Ever wonder which letter has the most lines in it? Well the answer may surprise you. Tune into our award-winning series Capital Blandishments, at 11:00 a.m."

Free Music

"Are those free Amazon MP3s sucking away your soul, 4:23 minutes at a time, or is it worth it just to avoid having to hassle your friends for more music? I'm Jim Lubesch, and today at 8:55 we'll talk to a man who owns a piano. Midlands Morning is shaping up to be a bright one!"

Mini Blinds

"Mini blinds, major heartache. Next time on Shades with Tegan Dart."

Outlook

"Today on Outlook, our panelists discuss perception: is the glass half full, half empty, or is it a bottle full of diesel fuel with a flaming rag sticking out the top. Top experts debate the existential meaning of fluids."

Lint

"Piles of lint, accumulating in corners and under desks: one woman's nightmarish story of descent into an unforgiving hell. Later, on Home Watch."

Pen Caps

"I'm Jim Lubesch, and this morning I've got an intriguing report that effects you AND the environments."

"Some rare news indeed!"

"That's right Caryl. It turns out that leaving the caps off of ballpoint pens can reduce their longevity by up to 4%. But despite the obvious need for more public education on this topic, environmental agencies estimate that these crucially essential caps add more than 4,050,200 tons of waste to landfills every year. So what's the solution? Watch tonight's expose, Writer's Block, to hear the whole story"

"Wow Jim, that's a heavy one. It's good that someone is tracking it."

Ring Tone

"What your ring tone says about your spleen. Doctor Walter Emeritus is up next."

Cap Liners

"Remember how there used to be those contests on the plastic liners on the indides of bottle caps? Annoying, or part of our lost heritage? Tune in to Contest Corner and make your voice heard."

Foothills

"Well Midlanders, we've got a real treat this morning. Looking to cure that cabin fever that's been building for months now? Well, there's a little town in the foothills of the Apennines that can cure your ills. It's named Imbrocciodaglioicimontage, and it's a town with a difference. Here's Tegan Dart to tell us all about it."

"Thanks Jim. The town of "Daglio," as it's known to the locals, is a treasure trove of both soapstone carvings and sculpted cheeses. Tired of their reputation for being surrounded by the toxic tailings from the nearby copper mine, the townspeople decided to fight back: with semi-sharp carving implements and curds made from their ample goat herds. But plan your trip early! The only thing they didn't plan for was enough hotel space for visitors. But even so, a few nights in a mildewed tent is well worth the enjoyment you'll get from visiting this charming hamlet."

Menthol

"Menthol drops: could they lead to increased koala predation? I'm Carol Fonescu, and I'll tell you what you need to know to protect yourself, and your family, just after this break."

Rascal

"Welcome Midlands to an understated, yet fashionable morning. I'm Tegan Dart. Have you ever wondered why nothing you do seems to quite turn out the way you'd planned?"

"I think a LOT of us have wondered that."

"That's right Jim. While scientists claim that they are still far from discovering the answer, a man who sells handmade jewelry on Mission Street, going only by the name "Rascal", says he knows EXACTLY why this happens. We'll be talking to him next hour."

"I know I'll be tuning in to see that."

"As well you should Jim."

Fans

"Fans. Those blades could be moving more than just air. I'm Jim Lubesch and I'll be bringing you this exclusive Midlands 5 story within the half-hour."

Carpet

"I'm Caryl Fonescu. Carpet. Could your pile be harboring unseen glitter?"

Walls

"Ever wonder just how "off" your off-white walls should be? Well next hour we'll be talking to Melina Blanche, an interior designer who has scrutinized everything from Navajo to Egg Shell and everything in between. If you've ever worried about paint, then you won't want to miss this segment!"

A Hot One

"Oh blessed Sol, it looks like a hot one coming on, and here's Lunardo Crespi to tell us all about it."

"Whew! You got that right Jim. Let me tell you, plan on ordering your snow cones before noon, because there's going to be a rush. You'll definitely want to bring a towel with you today to cover your car seats, otherwise you're looking at some red thighs on the drive home."

"Whoa, hey now Lunardo, that sounds a little 'out there' if you know what I mean."

"All I'm saying Jim, is you're going to be turning your AC all the way to the right."

Home Watch

"And next up in Home Watch, people who also maintain the lawns in their back yards."

An Actual Disease

"Have you ever noticed that some people just seem to be ignoring you? Ha, ha! No, Jim, I'm not talking about your wife. I'm talking about people on the street, people who you work with. New research shows that they may actually have what doctors are calling a hearing deficiency. This can contribute to a not-hearing-you syndrome."

"Huh Tegan, what's that? I can't hear you."

"Very funny Jim."

Music for the Plants

"How does music make your plants grow? I'm Tegan Dart and I'm going to take you behind the scenes at MIT's Plant Acustrionics Lab, where we'll learn that it's actually very complicated, but in the end some pretty flute music will make it worth watching."

A Warning for Travelers

"Think you know how those wheels on a jumbo jet work, well guess again. Learn the 4 things you need to know before you get on a plane."

Clean Ears

"I'm Caryl Fonescu, and next up: a woman who has taught herself to clean her ear canals WITHOUT using Q-Tips!"

"Wow, Caryl, I didn't think it possible."

"Well, you'll believe it after you see this story Jim!

Bagels in the Morning

"Hey Midlands, welcome to another glorious morning! I'm Jim Lubesch and we've got some exciting things to tell you about."

"That's right Jim, Caryl has been following this story closely: a man who not only toasts his own bagels, but hands them out to schoolchildren as they pass by in the mornings."

"Well, Tegan, who says that good will is dead! Caryl, I hope you can tell us more about this mouthwatering manifestation!"